{"id":19351,"date":"2025-01-06T13:23:51","date_gmt":"2025-01-06T02:23:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.relationshipsnsw.org.au\/?p=19351"},"modified":"2026-01-08T11:07:23","modified_gmt":"2026-01-08T00:07:23","slug":"talking-to-your-kids-about-separation-and-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.relationshipsnsw.org.au\/sr_rs\/blog\/talking-to-your-kids-about-separation-and-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"\u041d\u0430\u0447\u0438\u043d\u0438 \u043a\u043e\u0458\u0438 \u043e\u0434\u0433\u043e\u0432\u0430\u0440\u0430\u0458\u0443 \u0443\u0437\u0440\u0430\u0441\u0442\u0443 \u0434\u0430 \u0440\u0430\u0437\u0433\u043e\u0432\u0430\u0440\u0430\u0442\u0435 \u0441\u0430 \u0441\u0432\u043e\u0458\u043e\u043c \u0434\u0435\u0446\u043e\u043c \u043e \u0440\u0430\u0441\u0442\u0430\u0432\u0438 \u0438\u043b\u0438 \u0440\u0430\u0437\u0432\u043e\u0434\u0443"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Talking to your kids about separation and divorce can make ending a relationship even more complex. Some couples might even wonder whether it’s easier to just stay together, to avoid the turmoil and potential difficulties of change.<\/h6>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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It\u2019s normal to be worried about the impact of separation on your child. Research tells us that children struggle the most during the first couple of years after a family separation and that they might experience some level of anxiety, anger and emotional distress.<\/a><\/p>

Fortunately, there are things to avoid and strategies you can use to support your child \u2013 or children \u2013 at every age and stage of their development.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Explaining separation and divorce to your children<\/h2>

Regardless of how old they are, talking to your kids about separation and divorce<\/a> can really help them adjust to the changes happening in your family.<\/p>

Keep it simple and limit the details<\/h3>

You\u2019re likely to be feeling pretty emotional, and your feelings about your ex-partner could accidentally creep into the conversations you have with your child. So, try to stick to the facts, and only share information appropriate to the age of your child \u2013 we\u2019ll speak more about this later.<\/p>

Right now, your child needs to know high-level information, like what\u2019s happening, where they\u2019ll live and how care arrangements are going to work. They also need your reassurance that your love for them hasn\u2019t changed and that, although things are tough right now, they will be OK and you’ll get through it together.<\/p>

You might say something as simple as \u201c[their other parent] and I love you so much and that will never change, but so we can keep looking after you as well as we can, it will work the best if we live apart<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>

Give them a chance to ask questions<\/h3>

They’ll be curious about what\u2019s happening and how things are going to change. It’s totally normal that they\u2019ll want to figure things out, so be prepared for all sorts of curly questions.<\/p>

If you don\u2019t know the answer, it\u2019s okay to press pause and either come up with an answer once you\u2019ve had chance to think, or consult with the other parent to make sure you\u2019re on the same page when it comes to explaining the situation.<\/p>

Try something like, \u201cThat\u2019s such a great question, and I can see why you\u2019d want to know that. Can you give me a little bit of time to think about it and come back to you with an answer?\u201d<\/p>

If you give them a chance to ask questions, and are as transparent as you can be, children are more likely to come to you to talk things through<\/a> \u2013 rather than bottling up their questions and subsequent feelings, or using their imaginations to try and make sense of what is happening. Think about what will be helpful for them to know.<\/p>

Keep the dialogue open<\/h3>

One conversation isn\u2019t going to cut it. Make sure your child knows they can come to you at any time to ask questions or talk about how they\u2019re feeling.<\/p>

Emotions and experiences will change as you all process different stages of being separated<\/a> \u2013 breaking the news, moving out, first holidays and celebrations as a two-household family. You might even encourage a regular chat each week or fortnight to check in with them and see how they\u2019re travelling or if any new questions have come up. Encourage them to ask questions as they arise as well.<\/p>

Find someone they can talk to outside of your immediate family<\/h3>

You might have a family friend, aunt, uncle or grandparent<\/a> you can count on to be a neutral person that your child can confide in. Let your kids know how and when they can contact this person, as they may need space or new perspectives to help them process things. Make sure you choose someone who will speak positively about you and the other parent.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Age-appropriate ways for talking to your kids about separation and divorce<\/h2>

The end of their parents\u2019 relationship isn\u2019t an easy thing for your kids to understand or come-to-terms with, and how you communicate it with them can and should change depending on their age.<\/p>

These strategies are designed to help you manage the separation process with your kids, based on how old they are.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Infants and toddlers: 0 to around 3 years old<\/h3>

Although they\u2019re young, babies and toddlers need specific help and support when you\u2019re separating. They\u2019re sensitive to change and pick up on your emotions. They may become anxious or worried when they\u2019re away from familiar places and people.<\/p>

Babies can, and often do, experience separation anxiety<\/a> and this needs to be considered carefully by both parents. This makes it even more important for both of you to put some specific supports in place to help your baby adjust to the change.<\/p>

Keep routines as familiar as possible.<\/h4>

Ensure that you and the other parent try to stick to similar routines for things like sleeping and feeding. Even though your child\u2019s surroundings might look different, they\u2019ll feel more secure if they\u2019re doing the same things they usually do. You can always create new rules or adapt old ones, but just ensure you and the other parent are collaborating to create consistency.<\/p>

Provide a transition item.<\/h4>

Two households can mean a double up of many things \u2013 two beds, two toothbrushes, two breakfast bowls. But if you can provide something like a toy or cuddle item that goes between both houses, they\u2019ll be able to hold onto something that\u2019s familiar or remains the same, despite the changes happening around them.<\/p>

Have a slow transition to new places.<\/h4>

Moving to a new place could mean new childcare as well as a new home. Try to introduce them to these new places with as much advance notice as you can so they have a chance to get used to them, rather than changing lots of big things suddenly.<\/p>

Manage your own big feelings.<\/h4>

We know this can be really hard to do, because it\u2019s completely normal to feel some pretty strong emotions about separating or divorcing – make sure you have lots of support in place for yourself. When you feel settled and calm and can engage in self-care or regulate your emotions, your child is learning directly from you. They\u2019re not only sensing and responding to your feelings but seeing how you cope and manage.<\/p>

Creating as much harmony as possible between you and the other parent will smooth the way for your baby.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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A post shared by Relationships Australia NSW (@relationshipsnsw)<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote>