Separation presents many challenges for men. This guide is for men who are going through a separation or divorce, or for anyone supporting a man who’s experiencing a separation.
Men and Separation: Navigating the Future will help you to:
- Understand that you’re not alone
- Help guide you through some constructive choices
- Raise your awareness of some services that may help you.
Who is this book for?
Throughout this booklet, ‘man’ refers to anyone who identifies as a man, regardless of the sex assigned to them at birth.
While this book is largely based on research relating to men in heterosexual relationships, we hope that much of the information will also be useful and relevant to men in gay and queer relationships.
This is a book to read and re-read. It includes a useful notes section where you can record your important thoughts as you go. Keep it handy for those moments when you need a prompt.
Separation and men’s experiences
Men report a range of intense emotions when separating. These include frustration, powerlessness and anger; relief that differences are out in the open; and shock, bewilderment and hurt. Separation can also result in feelings of intense grief.
This guide will help you understand these complex emotions, and provide practical advice for working through them.
Separation and depression
Some men can experience depression during, or after, a separation. Men and Separation: Navigating the Future will help you:
- Identify the signs and symptoms of depression
- Decide what to do and where to seek help if you are depressed.
“Life does get better. Separation provides the opportunity for ongoing personal growth. Don’t do it alone, there is help out there. Use it to your fullest advantage.”
– FL, 48, four years after separation
Managing your relationship with your former partner
One of the most challenging parts of any separation is navigating a new relationship with your former partner:
- How do you cope if you did not initiate or want the separation?
- What if your former partner is sending you ‘mixed messages’?
- What if you initiated or feel responsible for the separation, and feel guilt or shame?
- What if the relationship has broken down and you need to deal with high-conflict situations?
Our guide will help you decide what to do in each of these scenarios.
Looking after yourself
It’s important that you look after yourself during and after your separation. Men and Separation: Navigating the Future includes more than 20 tips that have worked for other men in your situation, including:
- Understanding that a separation will take time to process and come to terms with.
- Being honest with yourself and take responsibility for your life.
- Being clear about where you have choices and where you don’t.
Our guide also includes important advice for understanding your relationship with alcohol and other drugs, which some men turn to as a coping mechanism in this stressful time.
Children and separation
The way children react to separation is always different. Our guide offers advice and support for fathers who would like to:
- Help their children understand and accept the separation
- Create a parenting plan
- Ease their children into new or adjusted living situations, such as spending time in a new house.
Understanding the legal aspects of separation
For many men who are separating, understanding the legal aspects of the separation process is one of the biggest challenges. The guide will help answer some of those questions, including:
- Do you need a lawyer – and if so, how do you choose the right one?
- Can a lawyer help you with financial settlements, agreements, arrangements and parenting plans?
- Will you need the Family Court?
- Is Family Dispute Resolution right for you?
You’ll also discover practical tips for dealing with ‘the system’ – remember, these institutions are acting according to the law, and are not trying to make things difficult for you.
If you need further help
Men and Separation: Navigating the Future will link you with the right services for extra support. These include national and local services such as:
- Counselling and support services for men
- Legal and government contacts
- General advice resources
- Emergency contacts.
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