The shocking revelations stemming from the Victorian childcare crisis are a poignant and powerful reminder of the vulnerability of children, especially in a setting that should be considered the hallmark of safety and trust.
The unsettling news also highlights how important it is for parents and carers to have open, age-appropriate conversations with their children – especially when safety and trust are in question.
Whether it’s distressing news in the media, a change at home such as separation, illness or the death of a loved one, or something children have witnessed or overheard, many parents and caregivers are left wondering what – if anything – to say to their children. Should we protect them from the details? Bring it up directly? What if we say the wrong thing?
It’s natural to want to shield children from upsetting events. But silence can often be more confusing – and more unsettling – than a gentle, honest conversation.
Here are some practical tips to help you talk with children about difficult things in a way that is safe, age-appropriate, and supportive.
Children notice more than we think
Even when children appear “fine” – still playing, laughing or going to school – it doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t affected by what’s happening around them. They may be absorbing more than we realise, through overheard conversations, the media, or changes in adult behaviour.
Some children will express distress through withdrawal, clinginess, low energy or mood, increased arguments, sleep difficulties, or changes in eating. Others may hide their worries to avoid upsetting the adults around them.
That’s why it’s important to create opportunities for them to talk – and to let them know it’s safe to ask questions or share feelings.
Two guiding principles
There are two helpful things to keep in mind:
- If something is affecting you and your family, it’s affecting your children. They need age-appropriate information and reassurance.
- Children usually sense when something is wrong. Even if they don’t know the details, they pick up on tension, changes in routine, or emotional shifts. Leaving them in the dark can be more distressing than gently talking things through.
Keeping communication open
Here are some practical ways to support conversations with your child:
- Choose a calm, quiet time – like after dinner or during a drive – when there’s no rush and the conversation can end naturally.
- Start with an open door. Let them know you’re available if they want to talk. You could say something like, “if you ever hear or see something that makes you feel worried or unsure, you can always talk to me.”
- Use simple, clear language that matches their age and understanding. A young child doesn’t need complex details – just the basics and reassurance.
- Listen more than you speak. Let your child talk at their own pace. Avoid interrupting or jumping in to fix things.
- Name feelings together. Children may struggle to express what they’re feeling. Help them identify emotions and where they feel them in their body.
- Offer comfort, not solutions. You don’t need all the answers. A calm, caring presence is often enough.
What to avoid
- Don’t promise something you can’t deliver. For example, don’t say you’ll keep a secret if it’s something you may need to act on. Instead, reassure them that you’ll handle any next steps gently and in their best interests.
- Don’t assume one conversation is enough. Children often need time to process. Check in again later. You might ask, “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about the other day – how are you feeling now?”
- Don’t downplay their worries. Even if something seems small to you, it might feel huge to them. Acknowledge it and let them know they can always talk to you about anything that’s on their mind.
Managing your own emotions
These conversations can stir up strong feelings in adults, too. Here’s how to take care of yourself so you can best support your child:
- Take a moment to centre yourself before starting the conversation. It’s okay to wait until you feel ready.
- Talk to a trusted friend or professional if you’re struggling with your own response. Processing your emotions first helps you stay steady for your child.
- If your emotions show, that’s okay. You could name your feelings in a reassuring way. “I felt really sad when I heard that news, but I’ve talked about it with a friend and I’m okay now. How are you feeling?”
When you’re scared for your child
If you’re feeling concerned about your child’s safety or wellbeing:
- Focus on what’s within your control. Routines, open conversations, and your presence can all provide security.
- Avoid sharing adult fears with children. They may already be feeling unsettled. Keep messages calm and reassuring.
- Get support for yourself. Talking to a counsellor can help you work through fears and stay grounded.
- Remember: fears are not facts. Stay curious and open, but don’t jump to worst-case conclusions.
It’s never easy to talk to children about distressing things. But when done gently and openly, these conversations can strengthen your relationship, help children feel safe and heard, and build lifelong skills for emotional resilience.
This article was originally published on Women’s Agenda in July 2025.
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