Being separated while still living in the same home is a significant challenge for people to experience. We share our advice on how to survive with this arrangement, while you work out your next steps.
There are plenty of reasons why people end a relationship and continue living together.
In a recent article we wrote about the rise of separating under the same roof, one of our practitioners shared that many people pursued this option due to perceived financial benefits or emotional healing. Though, it’s critical to note that this shouldn’t be considered for people experiencing domestic and family violence.
When two people live separately under the same roof, they will no longer do things they used to do together, like share meals or socialise. If children are involved, some might choose to continue doing some things as a family.
Often living separately under the same roof is a temporary arrangement until both people have separated and finalised their shared finances so that each can go their separate way.
You’ll just need to ensure you’re aware of any documentation or paperwork you need to file for any subsequent divorce application you may wish to make if you’re separated but living under one roof.
Boundaries and rules when living together while separated
It’s wise to have some boundaries and rules set in place to protect the feelings of individuals and the expectations that may arise, if you’re living with your ex-partner in this arrangement.
Plan your living space
It is important to organise where each of you will be in the house and when each of you comes and goes. Each of you needs separate areas, especially separate bedrooms or sleeping arrangements. Give each other as much private space as possible.
Budget
Finances are near the top of the list when it comes to causes of stress when people separate. Keep a record of your expenses. Split things like utility expenses down the middle. Separate your accounts but be open about your finances with each other. In any case, this will be necessary when you undertake any financial and/or property settlement.
Tell the children together
If you have children, it’s vital this is done together. Tell them that you are working together to make arrangements to live in separate houses and for them to spend time with both of you. Most importantly, tell them that your separation is something between you as parents and that they are in no way responsible for your separation. Reassure them that you both love them and only want the best, and that they don’t feel like they have to choose or take a side.
Create a co-parenting schedule
Don’t put the children in the middle of your conflict. Organise how each of you will spend time with them and especially for younger children, make a chart and put it on the fridge or in some common place where it’s easy for all to see. You may still do some things together such as having meals if the atmosphere is not tense. Whatever you do, don’t create a situation where the children must choose – keep parenting decisions with the parents and remember this is just temporary.
Date discreetly
Depending on the length of time the cohabitation exists, dating other people may arise. And that’s OK! However, remember to be respectful of the household, and honest with the person you’re dating. Consider if this is the right time to put yourself in the dating pool once more.
Above all, make sure you take care of yourself and seek professional support when you need it. There is no shame in separation, and if handled gracefully both you and your loved ones will greatly benefit.
When parents separate, it can significantly impact their children. Kids in Focus is a practical, online course developed by Relationships Australia NSW for separating families to navigate and support their children through these challenges. Find out more and sign up online today.
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Family Dispute Resolution and Mediation
Going through separation or divorce is often emotional and difficult, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. To help you through, we offer affordable Family Dispute Resolution services, also known as family mediation, throughout NSW.
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Access Family Mediation Service
Adapting to change during separation and divorce is challenging. This service provides flexible support, online or over the phone, to help manage relationship breakdowns, including resolving disputes for parenting and property arrangements.
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When parents separate, it can significantly impact their children. Kids in Focus is a practical, online course developed for separating families to navigate and support their children through these challenges.
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