For many Australians right now, money is hard to stop thinking about. Whether it’s rising rent, mortgage stress, grocery bills, childcare costs, or simply trying to keep up with everyday expenses, financial pressure has become part of daily life for a lot of couples and families.
And when people are under pressure, relationships often feel it too.
Research from Relationships Australia found cost-of-living pressures are now one of the biggest challenges affecting relationships, with many people reporting increased stress, conflict, loneliness and uncertainty.
But Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW and a clinical psychologist, says the conflict couples experience is rarely just about the money itself.
“Financial issues have always been one of the top reasons couples experience difficulties,” she explains. “But often the deeper issue is what money represents to each person – security, freedom, stability, status, safety, or even hope for the future.”
One person may feel anxious about spending and want to tighten the budget. Another may feel overwhelmed by constant restriction and want moments of enjoyment or escape. Neither person is necessarily wrong – but when stress levels are high, those differences can become much harder to navigate calmly.
Why money conversations can become so emotionally charged
Couples often think they’re arguing about a purchase, a debt, or a financial decision, but underneath the disagreement may be much bigger fears and emotions.
Elisabeth says couples can easily get stuck debating the practical issue itself, instead of talking about what sits underneath it.
“For example, people might argue about saving money versus spending on social activities,” she says. “But what can really help is stepping back and talking about the fears, hopes and goals behind those positions.”
Sometimes financial caution can be interpreted as controlling behaviour. Other times, spending money can be experienced as irresponsible or risky.
When couples start to understand the emotional meaning behind each other’s reactions, conversations often become less defensive and more productive.
Different attitudes to financial risk can create tension
Another growing source of conflict Elisabeth sees is differing levels of comfort with financial risk. One person may want to invest aggressively, take on more debt, or chase financial opportunities. The other may feel deeply anxious about instability and want to prioritise security.
These differences can become even more difficult during periods of economic uncertainty.
Elisabeth says gambling can also become more common during financially stressful times, as people look for relief, distraction or a sense of hope.
“People can tell themselves they’re just having a bit of fun or hoping for a lucky break,” she says. “But gambling can quickly create secrecy, betrayal and a breakdown of trust in relationships.”
Young Australians are experiencing a different kind of financial stress
Younger Australians are also facing pressures that can shape not just their finances, but their sense of identity and future.
Research shows many young people are delaying milestones like moving out of home, buying property, or starting families because of housing affordability and cost-of-living pressures.
Elisabeth says many young adults are worried they may never reach the level of stability previous generations expected.
“Young people are especially afraid of never getting onto that first rung of independence,” she says. “That can affect optimism about the future, mental health, and even decisions around study, work and relationships.”
At the same time, many younger Australians are adapting in thoughtful and practical ways – relying less on cars, rethinking traditional financial goals, and finding different ways to build connection and community.
What helps when money stress is affecting your relationship?
When finances feel overwhelming, it can be tempting to avoid the conversation altogether. But Elisabeth says avoidance is often less about denying the problem, and more about wanting to avoid conflict.
“This doesn’t always need to become one huge, difficult conversation,” she says. “Sometimes it can simply start with asking, ‘Given how things are right now, is there anything we should do differently together?’”
She also encourages couples to approach conversations with curiosity rather than blame.
Trying to genuinely understand how your partner feels about money – and why – can create a very different conversation from trying to prove who is right.
And if the same arguments keep repeating, support can help.
“Sometimes sitting with a trained relationship counsellor gives couples space to better understand the conflict, communicate more clearly, and make decisions together in a calmer way,” Elisabeth says.
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