Each January, the same pattern emerges. As the noise of December fades and routines return, people examine their lives, and their relationships.
This is when unresolved questions start to demand answers: Should I try again? Should I end this? Or should we finally ask for help?
It’s no coincidence that early January consistently marks the busiest period of the year for dating apps. Nor is it surprising that the first working days of the year often see a spike in separation and divorce enquiries.
All of these trends reflect the same reality. January is a time when people reassess what they need from their relationships and begin to act on those decisions.
Relationship quality impacts our health and wellbeing
Decades of research have shown that it’s not the presence of relationships that protects our wellbeing, but their quality.
Relationships that feel respectful, emotionally safe and supportive help buffer stress and build resilience. Relationships marked by chronic conflict or emotional distance quietly erode confidence and mental health.
This doesn’t mean our intimate relationships must be free of challenge. But January often shifts the question people ask themselves from ‘can I stay?’ to ‘should I go?’, or ‘what would happen if we tried to change how we’re doing this?’.
Instead of wondering whether they can endure things as they are, they begin asking whether their relationship is contributing to a life that feels sustainable, meaningful, safe and well.
End-of-year pressure can make hidden relationship issues visible
Our team of relationship counsellors and mediators see it happen every year. The new year doesn’t magically create relationship problems. It exposes the ones people have been carrying for months, sometimes years.
The festive season simply makes it harder to keep looking away. Holidays heighten existing challenges, bringing family expectations, financial stress, fatigue, and old emotional history into one big pressure cooker. Even strong relationships can feel stretched. Fragile ones often fracture further.
For those in strained romantic relationships, the fork in the road often becomes clearer. January often forces these couples to confront a hard truth – either we change how we do this relationship, or we stop pretending that change will happen on its own.
Taking time to pause and reflect can help bring clarity when you’re at a crossroads. Look back over the past few months and consider the following questions honestly:
- Is poor communication making things seem worse than they are? Or could be different if we communicated better?
- Have I withdrawn from trying? And therefore, am I starving the relationship from a real chance at change?
- Have I calmly and clearly expressed my needs, and heard my partner’s response (not just blurted things out in a fight)?
- Have my feelings changed to the point that, whatever we try, my heart isn’t in it anymore?
For some couples, these questions can open the door to repair – seeking counselling, resetting expectations, and learning to communicate differently.
For others, the holidays confirm what they already sensed: that ending the relationship may be the healthiest option.
Neither choice is a simple one. Both require courage, honesty and support. Avoiding the decision altogether, however scary, is rarely helpful and usually prolongs distress.
New year, new relationship goals
At a time when so many of us are surrounded by people, the holidays can also be a painfully lonely time for some.
For those who don’t have the relationships in place that they’d like, dreams of a new beginning can start to seed. The optimism of the new year and the encouragement of friends and family can bolster the desire to try again.
For those who want to begin again, or return to dating after a break, January often carries a sense of renewed hope.
If that’s you, it can be useful to ask yourself a few questions before diving in:
- What past hurts am I still bringing with me?
- What am I genuinely looking for – and what problem do I think a relationship will solve?
- How might I do things differently this time?
- What is flexible for me, and what is non-negotiable?
- What support will I need when things feel uncertain or disappointing?
Asking for help isn’t failure
If January has brought relationship reflection your way and you’re facing some difficult decisions, this can be painful, but it can also be empowering. Relationships sit at the centre of a meaningful life. When they are strained, everything else becomes harder. But when they are strong and built around healthy communication, connection and mutual respect, the opposite is true. Bolstered by a strong support network, we recover faster, feel happier and even improve our health and wellbeing.
Each January, people walk into our centres at different crossroads – recommitting, separating, or beginning again. Friends and family often mean well, but their advice can unintentionally add pressure. Telling someone what they should do is very different from helping them think clearly. When opinions are loud and conflicting, professional support can provide space – to reflect, gain perspective, and decide what feels right for them.
What unites them all is hope. Hope for relationships that support wellbeing, hope for a sense of belonging, and hope for a life that feels fulfilling.
Re-assessing and renewing your relationships takes work. If you feel like you need some support along the way, our trained counsellors can help. Get in touch with us to find out more.
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