Everyone has the right to live without fear and violence. Here’s how to spot the warning signs of domestic violence, and how to start making plans to get help – or leave – if you’re experiencing it in your relationship.
One in four Australian women have experienced violence and abuse by a current or former partner. While men are also often the victims of domestic violence, women are at least three times more likely than men to be on the receiving end of violent and abusive behaviour.
It can be hard to admit you’re in an abusive relationship, especially if you haven’t experienced any incidents of overt physical violence. You may doubt your experiences, be waiting for change, convinced it was only a ‘one-off’ occurrence, or be too scared to leave.
Although it may seem daunting, speaking up about your experiences is brave and essential. Remember, there is help available.
If you feel you’re at risk, you can contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). This is a confidential, national sexual assault, domestic family violence counselling service.
What is domestic and family violence?
Domestic violence or family violence is a pattern of behaviour where one person tries to dominate and control the other. Domestic violence is a deliberate act and is rarely an isolated event. Over time, the violence tends to increase in frequency and severity.
Family violence can include a range of behaviours, such as physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, social abuse and isolation, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, and stalking.
In many cases, perpetrators will unfairly blame victims for the violence, rather than taking responsibility for their actions.
Warning signs of domestic and family violence
If you’re worried you may be a victim of domestic and family violence, think about your relationship, your feelings and your partner’s behaviour.
If you answer yes to some of the following questions, you may be a victim.
Keep in mind, this is not an exhaustive list. There are other types of domestic and family violence people can experience.
- Do you feel that you’re often ‘walking on eggshells’?
- Is it difficult to disagree with or say ‘no’ to your partner?
- Does your partner frequently check up on what you’re doing?
- Does your partner try to stop you seeing friends and family?
- Does your partner accuse you of flirting with other people?
- Does your partner dictate how the household finances are spent, or stop you from having any money for yourself?
- Does your partner pressure you to do sexual things you don’t want to?
- Does your partner threaten you, push you, damage property, throw things or make you feel unsafe?
- Do your children hear or see things that might be damaging to them?
- Does your partner threaten to kill themselves, or take the children away from you?
- Have you been frightened for your own or your children’s safety?
What is the impact of domestic and family violence on women?
Living with family violence has far-reaching effects. It can impact your self-esteem, mental and physical health, emotional connections, employment, friendships, and ability to parent.
If you’re experiencing domestic or family violence, you may be isolated from your family and friends, become increasingly dependent on the perpetrator, and struggle to make sense of what’s happening.
You might even start to believe the verbal insults or blame yourself for the violence. But as a victim, you’re never to blame for this behaviour – you didn’t ‘attract it’ or ‘let it happen.’ Responsibility always rests with the perpetrator.
You have the right to equality in a relationship. You should feel safe, be treated with dignity, have control over your body and decisions, and be asked for consent.
Family violence can include a range of behaviours, such as physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, social abuse and isolation, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, and stalking.
In many cases, perpetrators will unfairly blame victims for the violence, rather than taking responsibility for their actions.
What to do if you’re a victim of domestic violence
If you do decide to speak out, ask yourself who you can tell. Is there a friend, family member or workmate you could talk to? Another option is contacting support services who can give you vital information about your options and the support available. No matter how overwhelmed you feel, you are not alone.
You may find it helpful to look at resources such as Insight Exchange, an online space where women who’ve lived with domestic and family violence can share their expertise, stories, and safety plans, and encourage and support others in the process. The project also helps raise awareness and improve bystanders’ responses to violence.
Other useful resources include the Arc app and Ask Izzy. Reading about the experiences of others can help you feel more connected and offer some pathways to safely leaving an abusive relationship.
Getting help for domestic and family violence
If you’re at risk of family or domestic violence but are unsure what to do, reach out to an expert who can talk you through the next steps and the safest way to leave.
When it’s safe to do so, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). This is a confidential, national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service for people experiencing, or at risk of, sexual or family violence. It also supports their family and friends, and frontline workers and professionals.
It can help you find specialist services (including family violence, legal, financial, accommodation and support services) and emergency accommodation. They can also give you practical advice and put you in touch with those who can help keep you safe.
You can also speak to Centrelink and The Department of Human Services Child Support about financial assistance. Women’s refuges and shelters can provide accommodation, as well as information, advocacy and referrals. You can also access legal help through Women’s Legal Service NSW and Legal Aid.
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