The New Year period can be filled with messages about making drastic self-improvements and lifestyle changes. Think: exercising more frequently, learning a new skill, or meditating everyday. These all sound great in theory but can become overwhelming and quickly pitter out.
Instead, if you’re looking to deepen your relationships in the coming year, we’ve asked our counsellors for everyday habits you can easily embed in your life. Whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, or family member, these small tips can go a long way in helping you feel more connected and in tune with the people you care about.
Be generous with appreciation and compliments
Kirrily, one of our counsellors based in the Illawarra region, emphasises the importance of being generous with appreciation and compliments.
Simple expressions like “Thanks for cooking dinner,” “I love how you handled that situation with the kids,” or “You give the best hugs when I need one” can go a long way. These simple affirmations can help people feel noticed and valued in their relationship and create goodwill for the future.
When you inevitably experience niggles or grievances in your relationship, the foundation of appreciation and generosity will hopefully act as a small “buffer” to your frustrations.
If this doesn’t come naturally to you or you get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the day, we recommend setting a reminder in your phone.
Commit to genuine listening and understanding
When you have conversations with your loved one, practise active listening and digging deeper to appreciate their point of view. Michelle, one of our counselling team leaders, says that this is particularly important if you don’t understand or agree with their perspective. Be empathetic to their emotional experience and try to reflect back to them what they’ve said. Remember to ask clarifying questions to build a fuller picture and encourage them to share more, if they wish.
By trying to learn the motivations and influences of your partner, you show them they are heard, and validated, and create a tolerance for differences between the two of you.
Make space for moments of joy and fun
It’s easy to get caught in the daily routines and responsibilities but our relationships should be fun, too.
Look out for spontaneous moments, like turning on music to dance or sing together as you cook or clean up, or building a cubby and eating dinner inside it.
You can also create more regular rituals like cooking together (or getting take away) on a certain night, a morning walk, or FaceTiming once a month. (For more inspiration, we love this “Wednesday Waffles” tradition between friends who don’t see each other as much as they would like.)
Tuning into your senses
This tip is targeted for intimate relationships.
Simon, one of our counsellors in Western Sydney, encourages people to think about the concept of the “Wheel of Consent“, developed by Betty Martin.
To enrich your connection with your romantic partner, try holding an object – like a small rock – in your hand. Bring the intention of your mind in noticing the different facets of this object. Using the different senses of your body, explore how it feels and let yourself experience this pleasure in your hand(s) for no reason whatsoever.
When you interact with your partner and you hold their hand (with their permission), bring this same sense of open curiosity, relaxed enjoyment and safe physiological state. When you have consent in your relationship, consider bringing your focus to your own pleasure, and letting your partner focus on their pleasure. Together, this allows each of you to stay grounded and to make clear requests and responses.
Sharing a meal at the table
No phones or TV allowed! During your meal, you could try different discussion prompts like “Two roses and a thorn” from your day (two good things, one challenging aspect).
Rituals of emotional connection provide opportunities for shared celebration and support, and allow access to your loved one’s inner world. This exercise also helps practice gratitude and normalises talking to about stressors and hard feelings.
If you’d like support in creating and maintaining strong, fulfilling connections, we offer individual, couples, and family counselling. In a safe and non-judgemental space, you can explore your thoughts, goals, and discover practical strategies for the future.
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