The teen years can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with unpredictable highs and lows. As adolescents transition through puberty, many experience rapid and inexplicable mood swings that both you and your child don’t understand.
While this can be a ‘normal’ part of growing up, there’s a fine line between a grumpy or sensitive teenager, and someone who’s experiencing mental health challenges.
If you’re worried about your teen, having a conversation with them about how they’re feeling can be tricky. Many parents express their concerns about getting it ‘wrong’ and causing their teen to close up or retreat even further.
If you’re in this position, or want to prepare yourself, we sat down with one of our child and family counsellors, Therese. She answered some of the most common questions parents ask to encourage open and meaningful conversations with their teen.
How can I start a conversation with my teen about mental health?
It’s important to be proactive and start talking to young people about mental health before you need to.
If you’re worried about them, you could start by saying something like: “I’ve noticed you seem a little down/angry/upset lately. Is there anything happening you would like to talk about?” This is a non-blaming and curious way to chat with them.
Alternatively, you can also use topics you hear in the media to initiate a conversation. This could be a well-known person or someone they admire speaking about their mental health or a TV show/movie/book that brings it up.
I’d also encourage you to normalise discussing your own experiences with challenging feelings and how you take care of yourself in an age-appropriate way. It will help young people not to see this as a weakness and demonstrate that unpleasant feelings usually come and go.
Is there a good place or time to have a conversation?
Consider places your teen feels comfortable discussing difficult topics with you. This will vary from family to family, but you might like to pay attention to places, days, and times when your teen seems more open and relaxed. Be careful to avoid starting a conversation with them when either of you are angry or upset.
If your teen doesn’t want to open up, it’s important to respect their space and not continue to press the issue at that time. However, emphasise that they can always come to you if they want to talk about any challenges they are having.
How should I discuss getting professional help?
In your everyday conversations, you can normalise speaking about a counsellor or mental health professional about worries or concerns. When times are tough, professional advice can be critical.
For many people, including teens, it can be easier to talk to someone who is not part of their family or friendship group about a problem.
If they’re hesitant to get started, you could suggest they see a service or counsellor with no obligation to continue. From our experience, some teens are more willing to attend family counselling rather than individual counselling, as the spotlight is not on them as much.
Alternatively, they might also like to try an online or phone-based service as a first step (we’ve listed some recommendations below).
If they ask me to keep something a secret, but I’m worried about them, should I tell someone?
Despite our best intentions, sometimes we can’t keep everything our teen shares if we’re concerned about their safety or want to get them help.
Before you discuss it any further, consider what you need to share and only share what is necessary. Be honest with your teen about what, why, and who you need to share information with.
They may not like this, at first, but they will likely appreciate your honesty and understand that you are taking their concerns seriously.
What are good mental health resources I could suggest to them?
- headspace has excellent support information for young people and their families. headspace also provides free counselling for young people in-person and online.
- ReachOut has online and judgement-free support options where teens can express themselves anonymously and connect with peers.
- Kids Helpline offers phone and online counselling for people up to the age of 25 years.
- For urgent help regarding safety issues, contact the Mental Health Line on 1800 011 511 to speak to a mental health clinician in your area or Lifeline or 13 11 14.
To help your family and adolescent openly communicate in a non-judgemental environment, you could try our Adolescent Family Counselling service. We also offer individual counselling to help people explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences, and learn practical tools to move forward.
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