Dealing With Loneliness or Grief This Valentine’s Day

By Relationships Australia

Valentine’s Day is traditionally all about love, romance, couples and togetherness. 

If feelings of loss or sadness arise because you don’t have that “special someone” due to a recent loss or you are alone, the day can seem like a rather cruel and in-your-face display of what others – seemingly – have, and you don’t.

Here, we share some ways to help make the day a little easier to manage.

Remember: You’re not alone in feeling lonely

Many of us feel lonely, and not just on one day of the year. According to Relationships Australia’s 2024 report, almost a quarter of Australians either “agreed” or “strongly agreed” that they felt lonely, a three percent increase from 2022. The study found that people aged between 18 and 34 reported the highest rates of loneliness, as well as people who identified as LGBTQIA+, had a long-term mental health condition, or had a disability.

We shouldn’t underestimate the impact of loneliness. For many people, it’s not a fleeting moment but something that can affect them physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

While we know that these statistics don’t take away what you might be experiencing, we want to reassure you that you’re not isolated in your feelings.

Dealing with loneliness on Valentine’s Day

There are many ways to deal with loneliness, but it’s important to determine what best suits you. There might be some pieces of advice you find helpful and others that don’t feel right.

Firstly, it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re feeling lonely, both to yourself and others. If you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with someone else, you might be surprised who else is in the same boat.

Consider and reflect on why you feel this way – it might come from various reasons. Perhaps you don’t have a romantic partner to celebrate with (or they’re away or living apart), especially as you’re flooded with marketing for the day and happy-looking couples together. This can be especially heightened if a partner is something you deeply crave, you’ve recently separated, or you’ve gone on one too many bad dates recently.

However, Valentine’s Day can also bring up loneliness for people in a relationship. Perhaps they’re comparing their relationships and partner to others, or feeling disappointed by their (lack of) celebrations.

We also hear from people who say Valentine’s Day brings up other underlying issues – having fewer friends than they’d like or struggling with shyness or social introversion. While pop culture might encourage us to switch Valentine’s Day for Galentine’s Day (or something similar), not everyone has a close friend or social group they can turn to.

It sounds cliché, but, particularly on this day, remember that your greatest friend is yourself. It’s possible to enjoy your own company and be alone – but not lonely. Give yourself permission to take it easy and do what feels right for you on this day. Whether it’s taking a walk, binge-watching a TV show, or spending time in nature – caring for your own wellbeing is critical.

You could try to organise to catch up with a friend or family member, whether that’s for a meal, coffee, walk or even just a phone chat. If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable reaching out to, research online forums or groups based on common interests.

Dealing with grief on Valentine’s Day

If you are grieving the loss of a significant other, acknowledge that it’ll be difficult to deal with, though it may be helpful to come up with strategies that could work for you.

We all experience grief differently, so think about what you would find comforting. Don’t feel pressured to feel a certain way – cope in whatever way you believe is appropriate. You may feel resilient, you may not.

Perhaps you will decide to avoid watching the news or spending time on social media, where Valentine’s Day is likely to be discussed and “on show” throughout the day, and instead focus on offline activities that keep your mind occupied.

You may like to put your thoughts and feelings down on paper and journal your day, or perhaps you can honour the person you are missing on Valentine’s Day in some way.

One meaningful way to do this creating a personal tribute. This could be anything from writing a heartfelt letter to them, sharing a favourite memory on social media, or even doing something that they loved. You could make their favourite meal, listen to their favourite music, or visit a place that was significant to both of you.

Grieving doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re going through. Sometimes, sharing stories and memories with others who knew and cared for your partner can be a healing experience. There are also many online communities where you can connect with people who are navigating similar feelings.

This Valentine’s Day, allow yourself the space to grieve, remember, and heal. Your love for your partner is a part of who you are, and their memory will always hold a special place in your heart.

For more support, call Beyond Blue or Lifeline for a free and confidential conversation.

If you find that you need help to deal with complex emotions you may be feeling, now or throughout the year, Relationships Australia NSW can help. We offer a range of counselling services, both face to face and online.

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