Author: Krystina, Circle of Security program participant
Every parent hopes to create a nurturing and secure environment for their child, but what happens when that security starts to waver?
My daughter was five months old when her separation anxiety kicked in at full force. We were at a parents and bubs yoga class and my friend, who my daughter saw weekly, picked her up. Almost immediately, my daughter started screaming like she was in physical pain.
Don’t get me wrong – screaming wasn’t unusual for her, but that day was different. I’d noticed her becoming more hesitant around other people and this was the first time it had reached that level. The next day, we entered the COVID-19 lockdown.
When we finally came out of lockdown, my daughter was glued to me. She wasn’t interested in exploring or engaging with anyone else, which was exhausting for both of us.
Having experienced separation anxiety as a child myself, I was determined to prevent my daughter from going through the same struggles. Yet here we were – I felt stuck, overwhelmed, and like I was failing as a parent.
Finding support in the community
Fortunately, I have two close friends who are childhood occupational therapists and another who’s a child psychologist. After sharing my experience, all three recommended Relationships Australia NSW’s Circle of Security program as a practical approach to understanding kids’ emotional needs and fostering secure attachments.
Encouraged by their support and my own research, I signed up for the course.
Joining the group was a turning point for me. I was able to listen to other parents share their stories and it was comforting to know they were navigating similar challenges.
It also made me grateful for the time I got to spend with my child every day. Many parents in the group didn’t have that same privilege for various reasons, which helped me put my own struggles into perspective.
What I learned from the Circle of Security workshop
One of the key concepts we explored was the idea of the “circle” itself: children need the freedom to explore but also feel secure enough to come back for reassurance.
My daughter’s clinginess and tantrums signalled her need for comfort and connection, which I sometimes found uncomfortable. This insight was a game-changer in reshaping how I approached her emotional needs and finding ways to cope with my own response so I could “be with her” when she experienced strong feelings.
I also realised I was actually more comfortable with her coming back to me on the circle rather than going out exploring. This shocked me as this had been frustrating both of us.
The program gave me practical solutions so I could support her more while she was at the “top” of the circle and enjoying experiencing the world.
Since the program was delivered online, it was super convenient to attend and meant everyone could fully participate no matter where they were.
Progress and growth we’ve experienced
Looking back, I can see how far we’ve come, and Circle of Security is a huge part of that improvement.
My daughter is still cautious around strangers and prefers to be with me, but she’s slowly expanding her comfort zone. It’s nice to think that we’re still connected in the circle even when we’re apart.
I’ve also come to appreciate the great qualities that come with her sensitivity. She’s empathetic and kind, and always considers how her actions affect others. She often asks if she can help and brings home something she’s found, like a flower or shell, just to make me “happy”.
Overall, my experience with the Circle of Security program has been transformative – not just for my daughter but also for me. I wholeheartedly recommend this program to any parent, especially the way Relationships Australia NSW runs it.
It’s given us the tools and insights to create a secure and supportive environment for my daughter to thrive. I feel more equipped to nurture her emotional needs and celebrate her unique qualities, knowing that we are learning and growing together on our circle.
If you’re looking for support in building secure and healthy relationships with your child, our Circle of Security Parenting Program could be for you. Available online, you’ll join a community of like-minded parents who are navigating similar experiences.
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